please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Randomize
