Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
