My sheets look like a crime scene.
ugly people sure do ruin things
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
