I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
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