Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
