I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
If I die, sorry about rent.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
