I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
