fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
