there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
