I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
