dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
