I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
