The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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