i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize