I think I died a long time ago.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
it hurts more in the daytime
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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