Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
