So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
