btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
