i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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