I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Dicks are not precious.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
