my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
and you fell through a lawn chair
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
