Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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