It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
