I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Swine flu is the new snow day.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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