I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Randomize