I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
