just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
3 2 1 whiskey
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
His nipple licking is glorious
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