I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
