we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
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