if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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