honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
