he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
