You made me cry and you don't even care
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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