I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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