Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
