I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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