Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
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