A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Randomize
