Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
should my penis look like a turkey
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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