Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Randomize
