New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
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