saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Randomize
