I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
