sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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