my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize