God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
