I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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