finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
