Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
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