btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
