I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
