i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
