I just threw up on my dentist
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
