when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Where did you get a picture of my penis
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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