Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
