shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
