TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
