I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
