I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
