You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Acid is not a monday night drug
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
