im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
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