Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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