But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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