Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
